I want to join The Society For The Second Self. You don't know how long I've been looking for something like this. I looked for information about crossdress- ing for quite sometime and was never satisfied with what I found until I ran across the book titled "The Transvestite And His Wife" As I excitedly read the book, tears of joy ran down my face as I thought, this is what I've been looking for and I knew from that day on, I wasn't alone. My wife still doesn't understand why I love to crossdress. I tried to ex- plain to her why but she just couldn't see it. It was alright with her if I dress for Holloween or the science fiction convention but I couldn't stop there, I dressed every chance I got, es- pecially when she went to work and the children were at school (I work nights.) After everybody was out of the house, I would dress from head to toe, then I apply my make up and wig. I got such an emotional charge as if I said "SHAZAM" and a light- ning bolt struck me. After the smoke cleared, there stood GWENDOLYN. I mean, I really felt super feminine. I just couldn't help myself and love every minute of it. I would clean the house and took care of anything else that needed atten- tion. I felt emotions I never dreamed I had. I had no prob- lems with clothes because I made them myself, I even made some of my wifes clothes. We both sew but she doesn't have time. When my wife found out I was dress- ing, when she was at work, she was very upset and not knowing about transvestism or the desires behind it thought I was "sick" or was turning queer and said I should go see a psychologist. We were already seeing a psycholo- gist about our marriage but I never told him about my cross- dressing and when I explained to him how I felt about all these locked up emotions were freed as soon as I became Gwendolyn.

He said I should try to release my emotions through my boyself and not Gwendolyn. I could see from that point, that his under- standing was like my wife's and left me feeling very low and down in the dumps emotionally.

FREE,

AT

LAST

I said to myself, that they won't destroy Gwendolyn. I started crossdressing when I was seven. My Father was gone most of the time and my Mother worked. My sister and I would play dress up or as we called it "Ladies", using our mother's shoes, dresses, etc. We had hours of fun to- gether. We played "Ladies" al- most everyday and as the years went by, I couldn't wear my mother's shoes anymore. My sis- ter, being two years younger than I, had no problem but I guess Nature took her course and my body started changing. I sure wanted my own feminine clothes I could call my own. Af- ter I graduated from high school, I served four years in the Air Force and got married. I thought I could suppress my crossdressing desires (fat chance) since I was married but that was a big joke. I, just for laughs, would don my wife's night gown saying her gown kept me warm. She thought I looked cute in it and payed no attention about it but deep down inside of me I felt soooooo good. Then one morn- ing, I got up while she was still asleep, I put on a pair of her stockings, a long slip and a scarf. I heard foot steps coming toward the kitchen where I was. I froze and my wife was in shock! She looked at me with disbelief then walked away. I quickly took the clothes off and put my work clothes on. I told her how I love wear women's clothes and 19

GWEN

how I envyed her. I also prom- ised I wouldn't do it again. Well three years had past and I tried almost every hobby I knew to keep my mind off of crossdress- ing. My girl within was begging to come out. Then one day, we were putting on a kind of Gong show which we called the Bong show for the Boy Scouts to raise money. Although I set up the stage, lights, audio, etc, I wanted to be in the show. My wife sug- gested that we dress up as sisters and do a song and dance routine from a play we saw a couple a weeks ago. I said "Thats a great idea and started making the dresses while she took care of the details. Everything was set ex- cept I had to get some high heels, so we went to this shoestore that sold new & used shoes. It was a self service store so I asked my wife to stand by me while I tried on a pair of heels behind the back counter. Boy, was I ever nervous! The clerk looked at me and the shoes then said, "I hope you enjoy them" I told him it's for a show we're putting on but he gave me a look as if to say "sure it is". The Bong Show was a success, especially the act my wife and I did. The audience knew my wife but nobody knew who the other woman next to her was. The audience thought I was her real sister and when they found out it was me, they me, couldn't believe it. They said I look better than some women they knew, I just blushed and